my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My breasts were aching with rage.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
