there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
