I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
