that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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