I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
