i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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