Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
