Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
