I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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