i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
