he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
