I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
