You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
