At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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