afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
