sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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