You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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