the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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