she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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