heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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