And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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