You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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