nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
