"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
