I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
