walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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