I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
