after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My bed smells like the plague
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize