Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
