The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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