I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I need moral support for this bender
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
