Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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