I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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