This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
