this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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