Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize