FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
