So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
