Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
