Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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