apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
