the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
