shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
