I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize