He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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