i just sent this text using only my big toe
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
