Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
