Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
