Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
