you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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