So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
