Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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