google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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