Well douche your snatch and let's go!
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
