I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
