You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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