once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
