i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
