i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize