I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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