There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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