So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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