I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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