margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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