dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
