I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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