i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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