Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
