I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
