I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
