Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
