The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
