In America we eat man semen.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
