is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
