I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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