Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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