i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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