good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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