that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
