i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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