i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
