we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize