i wish there were pregnant emoticons
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
