sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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