why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
