She is in my trunk
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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