Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
