Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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