i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
