Nicole vs. Life
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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