I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
