Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it glows. i had to have it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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