im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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