she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize