what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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