The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
