Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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