How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My life is pants optional.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize