Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
