I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
