just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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