when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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