Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
