he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
