He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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