Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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