Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
