Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
