I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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