Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What drink are we having for lunch?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
