I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
