i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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