Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
