i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
