My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
