There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
