I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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